McMaster to star in Ferris Bueller remake
(Rotter's News Service)Having transformed himself from partisan warhorse as state GOP chairman to the most popular and bi-partisan South Carolina statewide office holder in just four years, Attorney General Henry McMaster (R-Easy Street) added another feather to his cap yesterday. Named to star in a remake of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, McMaster will reprise the role of happy-go-lucky Ferris Bueller, a cool hero in his community, well-liked by diverse groups who otherwise hated one another.
Lee Bandy, political columnist for The State, has agreed to play Ed Rooney, the unpopular high school principal whose main purpose in life is to chase Ferris, in spite of the ever-growing futility of the challenge of stripping Bueller of his cool image and huge popularity. Fellow Republican Lt. Governor Andre Bauer (R-e-elected already, give it up guys) will play the “bad boy” role once played by Charlie Sheen. State Comptroller Richard Eckstrom will play Cameron, Ferris' sidekick who is loyal to Bueller, reluctantly at times, but lacks his best friend's charisma, charm, and popularity.
Talks to fill the roles of Bueller's girlfriend and his jealous sister are still ongoing, but a long list of popular musicians and actresses have expressed interest, many offering to waive their salaries for the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to appear the silver screen with the amazingly-popular Attorney General. "He's such a hottie," said Jennifer Lopez. "Who wouldn't want to have a boyfriend like Henry?"
Madonna was considering the role of Bueller's sister, especially the movie script would be revised to allow them to spend long nights alone, and force them to share a bedroom. "Henry McMaster .... smart, popular, sexy, and so cool. You know, he would be the perfect lover ... ummm, I mean brother", she said, her eyes aglow.
“When I look at my widespread popularity, I think about, well, I think about me,” said McMaster. “I’ve got people who wouldn’t be in the same room as me falling over themselves to support my re-election. In South Carolina politics, I’ve become the new ‘cool’.”
A school secretary and local cultural observer also noted McMaster’s broad base of popularity: “The Republicans, Democratic solicitors, Elvis impersonators, the unions, treehuggers, lawyers, the sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, waistoids, dweebies, dickheads - they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude."
While recent discussions about a joint NAACP-League of the South endorsement have not borne fruit, water towers in the Columbia area have reportedly been repainted to say “Save Henry” as an encouragement for him to file for re-election.
Hard to tell I'm divorced? No - really? Is it my profile: "I live and work in Summerville, South Carolina, divorced", or maybe the blog posting about my annullment.
"Beloved Andre" ... huh? I doubt you have any idea who I'm supporting for that or any other office. Since it was so hard to figure out my marital status, it's not like you'd know much else about me.
Next time you wanna do some homework, try spelling instead.
Last, but not least, your spelling and grammar is sad. You must be one of those overly-partisan blockheads who are the intellectual equivalents of those muscle-brained idiots one finds at many low-rent gyms. Big on talk, but way short on real intelligence.
But since you never posted a name, I guess we'll never know who you are, what your affiliations are, what your real beef, or even if you graduated middle school, now will we?
what a freakin' moron ... judging by this posting where you couldn't spell disGrace, even then.