Devo to replace JC Hammer, Democrats to "Whip it real good"

Following reports of breakdowns in the Democratic ranks in the House of Representatives with defections among Democratic ranks nearly costing Pelosi her much-sought-after vote against funding the Iraq war effort, Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Way out there, dude), announced a major leadership shakeup. In this move, Majority Whip J.C. Hammer (D-Too Legit 2 Quit) was replaced by the new wave band Devo.

In a press release, Devo announced their new agenda for the House Democratic leadership:

When a good time turns around
you must whip it
You will never live it down
unless you whip it
No one gets away
until they whip it

Standing beside the band members, clad in off-yellow colored jumpsuits, Pelosi defended her decision, aruging "if the Democratic majority is devolving, then we must make sure every man, woman, and child knows the full story behind de-evolution." Wearing her new Power Dome, a symbol of her submission to the process of De-Evolution, she outlined the new Democratic caucus agenda:

Are we not men? we are DEVO!
we're pinheads now we are not whole
we're pinheads all jocko homo
are we not men? D-E-V-O
monkey men all in business suit
teachers and critics all dance the poot
are we not men? we are DEVO!
are we not men? D-E-V-O
we must repeat o.k. let's go!

Meanwhile, J.C. Hammer was reported in his office, wielding a whip and wearing an Indiana Jones hat, furiously lashing office furniture and staffers, swearing to regain his lost post.

10 Response to "Devo to replace JC Hammer, Democrats to "Whip it real good""

  1. Anonymous 25/3/07 22:30
    This is one of your funniest ones yet.

    What I want to know is if the Democrats whip it too good, will they go blind?
  2. Anonymous 25/3/07 23:22
    Crack that whip. Whip it into shape. Whip it. Whip it good.
  3. Anonymous 26/3/07 01:54
    In other events, Salt n Pepa is making a comeback, seeking to replace Nancy Pelosi herself:

    This dance aint for everybody
    Only the sexy people
    So all you fly mothers, get on out there and dance

    Dance, I said!

    Salt and pepas here, and were in effect

    Want you to push it, babe
    Coolin by day then at night working up a sweat

    Cmon girls, lets go show the guys that we know
    How to become number one in a hot party show
    Now push it

    Ah, push it - push it good
    Ah, push it - push it real good
    Ah, push it - push it good
    Ah, push it - p-push it real good
  4. Anonymous 26/3/07 10:58
    that's ok - we've still got the nuge. he's better than all those lame assed bands.

    you want me to push that, i say swallow this.
  5. Anonymous 26/3/07 11:30
    You can bet she is de-evolving. I just wish she'd get lost.

    Cute hat.
  6. Anonymous 27/3/07 10:06
    So when is Paul Rubens coming out as deputy whipper?
  7. Anonymous 27/3/07 17:55
    liar, you ugly fucking whores. you are lowly self-centered, trash-talking male pigs.

    the war you love will come looking for you, and when it does you all will be found hiding under the bed.

    fucking filth bastard whore bitches.

    this goes for all of you war pigs.
  8. Mike Reino 27/3/07 19:31
    Ozzy Says...

    Generals Gathered in their Masses..duh-nah!
    Just like Witches at Black Masses.. Duh-nah!
    Evil Minds that plot destruction... duh-nah!
    Sorcerers of Death's construction.. duh-nah!

    SHARON !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  9. Moye 27/3/07 23:06
    What a sorry crew.
  10. Anonymous 30/3/07 04:21
    jocko homo? whip it? that's sick, really sick dude.

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