Back to grad school

This week, the last semester of coursework for my Master's degree begins ... thank God I've made it this far. It's been a long road, and for those around me who've suffered as I've struggled with managing time and stress from my studies, one that has been rough on a lot of people.

Those who've stuck by me, put up with the continual re-shuffling of lunch appointments or evenings or weekends, THANK YOU!!!

But now, for a little fun, the Carl and Alfred Sigmund blog provides us with a list of academic phrases and their definitions to help you understand the mysterious language of science and medicine (special thanks to my advisor, Dr. Robert Westerfelhaus, who forwarded this link to me). These special phrases are also applicable to anyone reading a Ph.D. dissertation or academic paper:

“IT HAS LONG BEEN KNOWN”…
I didn’t look up the original reference.


“A DEFINITE TREND IS EVIDENT”…
These data are practically meaningless.


“WHILE IT HAS NOT BEEN POSSIBLE TO PROVIDE DEFINITE ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS”…
An unsuccessful experiment, but I still hope to get it published.


“THREE OF THE SAMPLES WERE CHOSEN FOR DETAILED STUDY”…
The other results didn’t make any sense.

“TYPICAL RESULTS ARE SHOWN”…
This is the prettiest graph.

“IN MY EXPERIENCE”…
Once


“IN CASE AFTER CASE”…
Twice

“IN A SERIES OF CASES”…
Thrice

“IT IS BELIEVED THAT”…
I think.

“IT IS GENERALLY BELIEVED THAT”…
A couple of others think so, too.


“CORRECT WITHIN AN ORDER OF MAGNITUDE”…
Wrong.

“ACCORDING TO STATISTICAL ANALYSIS”…
Rumor has it.

“A STATISTICALLY-ORIENTED PROJECTION OF THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THESE FINDINGS”…
A wild guess.

“A CAREFUL ANALYSIS OF OBTAINABLE DATA”…
Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a glass of soda.

“IT IS CLEAR THAT MUCH ADDITIONAL WORK WILL BE REQUIRED BEFORE A COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING OF THIS PHENOMENON OCCURS”…
I don’t understand it.

“AFTER ADDITIONAL STUDY BY MY COLLEAGUES”…
They don’t understand it either.

“THANKS ARE DUE TO JOE BLOTZ FOR ASSISTANCE WITH THE EXPERIMENT AND TO CINDY ADAMS FOR VALUABLE DISCUSSIONS”…
Mr. Blotz did the work and Ms. Adams did me.

“A HIGHLY SIGNIFICANT AREA FOR EXPLORATORY STUDY”…
A totally useless topic selected by my committee.


“IT IS HOPED THAT THIS STUDY WILL STIMULATE FURTHER INVESTIGATION IN THIS FIELD”…
I quit.

5 Response to "Back to grad school"

  1. Anonymous 22/8/07 15:28
    you are insane and wierd
  2. Green Bay Moye 22/8/07 17:49
    Hell everybody knows that anonymous tell us something new.
  3. JMC 22/8/07 22:22
    Good luck on the last semester. I miss school, but no way could I do it with kids.

    I did the adjunct prof thing for a couple semesters at CofC. I really enjoyed it.
  4. Anonymous 23/8/07 08:24
    not insane! Earl, you're not old enough to remember firesign theater, though I'd advise you, don't crush that dwarf, hand me the pliers.
  5. Anonymous 24/8/07 09:00
    yep, you really are insane. thanks for having the courage to be honest about it. maybe now you can heal.

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