Al Gore Places Infant Son In Rocket To Escape Dying Planet

This story on The Onion was just too good to not share with our readers:

EARTH—Former vice president Al Gore—who for the past three decades has unsuccessfully attempted to warn humanity of the coming destruction of our planet, only to be mocked and derided by the very people he has tried to save—launched his infant son into space Monday in the faint hope that his only child would reach the safety of another world.

"I tried to warn them, but the Elders of this planet would not listen," said Gore, who in 2000 was nearly banished to a featureless realm of nonexistence for promoting his unpopular message. "They called me foolish and laughed at my predictions. Yet even now, the Midwest is flooded, the ice caps are melting, and the cities are rocked with tremors, just as I foretold. Fools! Why didn't they heed me before it was too late?"

Al Gore—or, as he is known in his own language, Gore-Al—placed his son, Kal-Al, gently in the one-passenger rocket ship, his brow furrowed by the great weight he carried in preserving the sole survivor of humanity's hubristic folly.

"There is nothing left now but to ensure that my infant son does not meet the same fate as the rest of my doomed race," Gore said. "I will send him to a new planet, where he will, I hope, be raised by simple but kindly country folk and grow up to be a hero and protector to his adopted home."

6 Response to "Al Gore Places Infant Son In Rocket To Escape Dying Planet"

  1. Mike Reino 2/8/08 14:38
    Hey, wouldn't shooting his kid off in a rocket burn millions of gallons of fossil fuel?

    I guess if it saves the human race, so we can screw it up all over again, it will be worth it....
  2. Anonymous 2/8/08 21:49
    That's just a cover story for when they caught Al shooting off in a field.
  3. Mike Reino 2/8/08 23:22
    Wait a second. Isn't this the same thing they did with Superman ??? Al Gore is just playing Marlon Brando's Jorrell character.
  4. Billy Bob 3/8/08 00:24
    Why didn't Algore do us a favor and get in the rocket instead?
  5. Billy Bob 3/8/08 00:25
    On the other hand, a story in which Algore gets blown up can't exactly be considered a story with a sad ending.
  6. Anonymous 8/8/08 23:01
    But what happens to the planet that Al lands upon?

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